


Mirrors

by oriolegirl



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Community: picfor1000, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-09
Updated: 2012-01-09
Packaged: 2017-10-29 06:46:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/316903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oriolegirl/pseuds/oriolegirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Since leaving his father's house, he'd had no use for mirrors.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mirrors

**Author's Note:**

> For [picfor1000](http://picfor1000.livejournal.com/); [link to my picture](http://www.flickr.com/photos/msryan/497559701/lightbox/). Many thanks to my trusty beta, cyanne.

The only mirror in John Sheppard's quarters was the one over the bathroom sink. He looked into it when he shaved and sometimes while brushing his teeth but he tried very hard not to actually look at himself.

Since leaving his father's house, he'd had no use for mirrors.

~*~

If anyone had ever asked John what his definition of hell was, his verbal answer would have varied by time and place. While in flight school, it would have been grounded and riding a desk. When he got divorced, clearly it had been marriage. (Not that Nancy actually deserved most of the blame for that.) Afghanistan, well, that was hell right there, wasn't it? In more ways than one, as it turned out. Contrary to what most people probably thought, Antarctica wasn't hell. It was, instead, a strange mixture of freedom and slowly dying inside. Though if anyone had bothered to ask, he would have said something like being eaten alive by killer penguins.

But none of that was really John's definition of hell. Hell was where he was now. Alone, trapped in a room with mirrored walls, nothing to see in any direction but himself.

~*~

The mission to P36-247 was as close to a cake walk as one got in Pegasus. Mild climate. No volcanoes, no earthquakes. Uninhabited for centuries, if the lack of ruins was any indication. The only unnatural thing on the entire planet was an Ancient outpost.

Rodney had been ecstatic when he'd found the entry in the Ancient database. He'd come into the cafeteria, tablet waving in one hand while the other scooped up the last berry muffin. "Laser cannons, Sheppard! The Ancients were developing long-range laser cannons. We have to go!"

After finding their way to the outpost, Rodney got to work, shooing everyone out of his way. Teyla and Ronon had gone to walk the perimeter, more to do something than out of any real need. John had walked through the outpost, seen nothing obviously out to get them, and settled into a corner to wait until Rodney decided he needed something handed to him.

He should, perhaps, have remembered that nothing ever really went smoothly in Pegasus.

~*~

John had no idea how long it had been since the floor had literally dropped out from under him and left him here, in hell. It probably hadn't been more than a few minutes but it felt more like a few hours. With the mirrored walls endlessly reflecting himself, there was nowhere to hide.

Closing his eyes, he'd long ago learned, didn't do any good.

~*~

For much of John's childhood, the old adage that children should be seen and not heard had been the norm. He and his brother had been trotted out, spotlessly clean and dressed in freshly pressed clothes, for a few minutes at a time during the seemingly endless round of dinners and cocktail parties his parents hosted. They smiled and said, "How do you do? Pleased to meet you. Good night." And then were whisked away, back to their rooms where there were toys and books and laughter and noise.

By the time he entered middle school, however, the lessons had begun. Etiquette. Ballroom dance. If you must ride a horse, dressage or polo. Always be polite. Always be flawlessly turned out. Suits or business casual. No wrinkles. And the hair! Can't you do something about that hair? Stand up straight. Wipe that expression off your face right now, young man. I will not tolerate any insolence from you. Do you understand me?

It might have seemed odd that John had traded in his father's rules for the military's but at least in the military there was plenty of prior warning when the rules changed. And in the military, there were often ways to get around the rules without getting slapped down.

The occasions for wearing service uniforms were few and far between. But John had long before mastered the art of tying a tie and straightening dress clothes and otherwise making himself presentable without having to look in a mirror.

~*~

"Sheppard? Sheppard, are you alright? John!" He felt someone shaking his shoulder. John looked up to find Rodney staring at him in concern. "Nice of you come get me, McKay," he drawled.

"Are you ok? You're awfully pale." Rodney frowned, poking at the datapad cradled in his arms. "Is there something down here? There doesn't seem to be anything here except us."

"I'm fine. Let's get out of here." John pushed himself up from the floor and headed towards the door that had appeared in the far wall.

Rodney trailed behind him. "Are you sure nothing happened in that room? No alien-induced, out-of-body experiences? No temporary Ascension? Oh my god, you didn't Ascend, did you? Sheppard? Sheppard! Tell me you didn't Ascend."

John heaved a sigh. "I didn't Ascend, McKay. There was nothing there but me and a room full of mirrors."

~*~

That night, as John was getting ready for bed, he found himself standing in front of his bathroom mirror, looking. He didn't know how long he'd been there before he realized that Rodney was standing behind him, a concerned look on his face.

"So what's the deal with you and mirrors? I've been thinking about it since we got back from that Ancient outpost this afternoon. I don't think I've ever seen you voluntarily look into a mirror. And when you do, it's never for more than a few seconds."

John looked down, wondering how to explain something he wasn't even sure he knew how to say. He must have quiet long enough that Rodney said, "Look, if you don't want to talk about it, you don't have to."

John met Rodney's eyes in the mirror. "Let's just say that my father and I had different expectations."

Surprisingly, Rodney met that with silence. After a few moments, he said, "Yeah, I get that."

John looked at himself in the mirror and decided that perhaps this wasn't hell after all.


End file.
